Who doesn’t feel bad about saying no? And why is saying yes easier?
As people, we are hardwired to be people pleasers. We are genetically programmed with an innate need for belongingness and acceptance. Yes, believe it or not, we are all susceptible to peer pressure in one form or another. Evolution has made us incomprehensibly opportunistic ever since our ancestors learned how to survive and compete from the prehistoric era to the present time; making it seemingly impossible to say no to a good opportunity lest someone else gets it and we lose our chance. As the old saying goes, “Opportunity knocks only once.”; so grab it if comes to your door even if it hasn’t knocked yet. Seriously, we say yes so we don’t end up disappointing people, especially those who are very close to us. We say yes because it is what we think is expected of us. We say yes so we don’t miss out. Right?
We have been often told that time is limited. This is my grandpa telling me carpe diem or my millennial colleague saying YOLO! You only live once so seize the day! Now, how can you say “no”? No to that party, no to the company training, no to going out, no binge eating at the buffet downtown, no to the things you know you really don’t want to say yes to. How?
…you can’t pour from an empty cup.
Imagine this: In your hand is a cup full of water, you are tasked to go through a line of cups which you need to pour into until the last one at the end. The simple rules of the task:
1. You are not allowed to refill your cup at any moment, and
2. You have to pour water into all the cups in line.
How will you play the game?
My wildest hunch is that you will carefully pour the smallest amount of water into each cup, making sure there will be enough left until you get to the last cup. Sure win! Easy peasy, right? Imagine this cup is you and the water is your limited time. Paradoxically to YOLO and carpe diem, yes, we have limited time, so, learn to say no. Saying the convenient yes to almost everything limits your time from doing what is important to you. Knowing what matters and what feeds your soul makes it easier to know the amount of water to pour into another cup if you are to do so.
Remember, you can’t pour from an empty cup. To reach where you want to be, say no to some things and never feel bad about it.
